Fifth Dream-Job Exclusive material Series.
 |
| You Learn When You Ask: 4th-Grade Kid Asking Obama A Tough Question! |
Hey guys!
…I was 9 or something. And in the evening during the maize harvesting season; my dad would set a charcoal jiko outside our house. It used to be dark and cold; and the other siblings and I would huddle around the jiko for warmth.
My dad would bring the green maize he had got from the Shamba and would put them on the wire-mesh-topped Jiko for roasting.
We all enjoyed it—there is no experience close to that; especially when you are at that age.
You know that age when you are young and naïve?
Remember the years you used to say… “I want to be a pilot when I grow up”…simply because you saw an airplane fly over your head when you were playing football outside the house? Those were the days!
So, in the cold night; as the maize cracked in the roasting heat of the live-coals; my dad would start:
“…Today I want to tell you the story of… “The Hare and the Grapes”…then he would give us the ‘Are you ready to listen?’ look.
Our ears would perk; and with our little naïve eyes locked to his; he would continue…
“…One day; the hare was too hungry that he could barely walk; he hadn’t eaten anything for days. As he roamed in the field; trying to find something to ‘put in his stomach’; he saw some wild grapes at a far distance.
Excited that at last; there was hope; and that he would not die of hunger; he gathered the courage and rambled to the grapevine. He looked at gapes; he knew he could satisfy his hunger; but there was one challenge:
The grapes were too high up; on the grapevine.
“He tried to jump; to the best of his ability; but he could not reach out on the grapes. After several attempts; he gave up.
“In frustration, he said to himself: ‘Why am I even trying this. I mean; look at the grapes; they are not even ripe; which means they are sour to the mouth. Screw you sour grapes!’
And he rambled away….”
The Point Of The Story?
No one wakes up in the morning and says: “I want to do NOTHING about my career. I want to screw it!”
We are all born with ambitions! We all want to become something when we ‘grow up’—like a 9 year-old who want to become a pilot.
When we are joining or winding up our college days; there is this certain people we admire; and want to work with. There is this company we want to work for.
Yes, there is this expert we want to be.
So, what happens after we have 'grown up'? What happens after 3 or 7 years of leaving college?
What happens to our ambitions and dreams few years after college?
Why do we lose—or throw to the wind—those dreams? Why and when do we decide to SETTLE for something less?
Where do our ambitions go; and why do we stop pursuing the job we dreamed of in college?
What possible explanation could you have; for settling at your current career level; or being in a job that you know you are not happy waking up to?
Why—like the frustrated; yet hungry hare—did you walk away from pursuing your dream-job?
The Truth…
There are two reasons why we—like the hare—walk away from what we have always wanted and dreamt of. These are the reasons why we choose to settle for a job that is not helping us become what we have always wanted to be.
There might be other reasons; but these two; contribute greatly into this unpleasant phenomenon.
# 1. We Are Not Told The Truth At Young Age
See, when we are young and naïve; we were told: “Work hard; just make sure you are at the top of the class and you have the ticket to your ‘Dream-Job’. Things will automatically turn out great.”
But if you have noticed; that well-intended advice turns out to be a LIE.
Yes, while it might have worked for our parents; it certainly doesn’t work anymore; at least not in our times. And that is not a surprise; because again; haven’t you read—or or maybe heard: “What Got You Here Will Not Get You There?”
What is even sad is the fact that; that same LIE is still being perpetuated in high schools; colleges; and universities! I have been there; and I know.
Have you heard the saying that: “When a lie is repeated many times enough; people come to take it as truth”
Well, the above long-standing lie is a classical example. And most people have taken it as truth; which drives us to the second reason why we choose to settle; and give up…
#.2. Most People Stop Learning When They ‘Grow Up’
Last week on Friday; I was watching this clip where a little boy in the 4th grade once asked President Obama...“Why do people hate you?”
(Hint: I will give you a link to that clip at the bottom of this material)
And he had to come clean about it. Notice, there were other ‘grown ups’ in that meeting; and none of them asked search a question. Or maybe they knew the answer; or did they just assume they knew?
This left me thinking:
Isn’t it interesting how we want to know the “WHYs” when we are young; but stop asking “WHY” when we grow up?
Isn’t it ironical that when we are supposed to be SMARTER; we resort to LEARNING NOTHING? Or we pretend we know; and end up losing in our pretense?
Even worse; instead of learning; we end up following and doing everything everyone else is doing; without questioning! Think about that for a while!
When Did This Unintelligent Behavior Start?
How comes we question things when we are young; but stop questioning when we grow up? Yet it is at this age; when we are supposed to learn more; so we can achieve more of what we want to achieve?
When did this unintelligent behavior start?
It doesn’t take a rocket-science to realize many of the advice we are fed about career and jobs are wrong; or at least dysfunctional.
Yet, even when it’s stark clear—the evidence is all around us—that most of these quotidian career advices we hear don’t work; we still go ahead; and follow them.
We never question “WHY”?
We never learn; even though the lessons are right in front of us! We go with the flow; and wonder why things did not turn out fine.
We end up like everyone else; and we do what 'they' have done: WE SETTLE!
We feel bad about it. Deep down within us; we know this is not what we wanted. But as they tell us; ‘This is life!’
So, like them; we say... “I guess this is life. I guess this is always how it’s gonna be! ”
And we let go of our ambitions. We kill those ambitions of having a great job. And out of guilty; and in attempt to comfort ourselves—like the Hare—we say to each other:
“…Didn’t you see it on the media the other day? There are no jobs anymore!”
“…It’s about who you know in this country. After all, I guess I’m ‘okay’ with my current job. Besides; I should be grateful; because there are people with no jobs!”
Really? Are you going by that? Are you throwing your dreams about having a great job because: 1) The media said there are no jobs. 2) Because you should be grateful to have a job--bearing in mind there are people without jobs?
Invalid Reasons And The Real Questions
It’s true there are people without jobs—and that is an unfortunate thing. But simply because there are people without jobs; it doesn’t mean that is a valid reason for not doing something about your career?
Being grateful with what you have doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be ambitious for something better. And you know it! So, taking that as a reason for settling doesn’t hold up.
While there are people without jobs; there are also people with great jobs. Meaning; the situation is not dire. And those are ‘Good News’! It means you can also get your dream-job; if you do things right.
Did they get those great jobs because they “ALL” used despicable means to get there? Definitely not!
So, the Real questions are:
What did they do to get there? What choices did they make early on in their career? How did they play the game?
What strategies; and techniques did they use; that other people didn’t use? What is the common thread among these winners?
How did they start; and what targeted; yet systematic steps did they take? What are the major career-shifting; yet unconventional decision did they make?
Sometimes it’s not “major career decisions”. Often times it is “Small”; yet informed decisions that they made; which stack up overtime; and resulted to the great jobs they have.
So, What are those decisions?
How can you apply them in your current situation? What are the key lessons they learnt in their career journey? How instrumental was those lessons; and decisions; in driving positive results?
Those are the real questions people with “WINNING MINDSET” ask themselves. And by doing so; they push themselves toward “REAL SOLUTIONS’; instead of “SETTLING’.
You don’t just walk away because the grapes seem too high on the grapevine; and evidently; you don’t dismiss the grapes as sour! You find a way of reaching those wild grapes.
The fact that there are grapes on the grapevine means there is someone who enjoys eating the grapes.
So, instead of saying they are “unripe and so to the mouth”—simply because you can't reach them—you should strategize on how to get there.
And often times you’ll notice that the people who “eat those grapes” are not “taller” than you. They just found a way of getting to the grapes!
Dream-Job Search Phase: How To Get Your Grapes
The best way I know of; about how to get what you want; is by: “Learning how to get what you want.” And what you want in this case is your Dream-Job.
But remember it can be anything else like: learning new skills; harnessing support from other people; or even getting introductions. It could also be learning from someone how they did what they did; to get the great results they got.
It could also be learning the difference between a movie; documentary; and an episode in a movie series. Seriously, I didn’t know the difference between those three; until late last year. Can you believe that?
Let’s pause for a moment; and picture me going into a movie store; and pointing at a documentary playing on the screen; then saying: “Can I get that movie playing on the screen?”
Imagine me strolling into a movie store and saying to the lady at the counter: “I want the movie called ‘The Secret’?”...when actually there is no movie by that name.
(Hint: ‘The Secret’ is a documentary; not a movie!)
I am not kidding; I have done the above two. In fact I did that last year. What do you think the lady at the counter said to me? What expression do you think overtook her face when I blurted out those words?
The point is this: the best way to learn something is to ASK. It is to ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS; and ASK QUESTIONS RIGHT. And learn about your subject. And that is how to get your “grapes.”
But What Do I Ask And How Do I Ask it?
There is a good reason I give you my direct email; so you can drop me your SPECIFIC questions at the end of my materials
The reason is because I understand that; at times; our situations are specific; and cannot ALL be catered for; by a single material. But guess who asks questions? Very few readers!
Remember how—in the last DJ material--we talked about why most people; when given opportunity; dither and dilly-dally; until it’s taken away? Another classic example!
So, here is the thing. Not only do top performers refuse to walk away; not only do they “Ask themselves empowering questions”; but they reach out for solutions. They ask other top performers questions about what they want to learn.
"...But Prince, I do not know how to ask the right questions. Even if I sat across a table with someone I admire; my mind goes blank. I don’t know what to ask! I screw it!
“...I end up asking: ‘So, how did you make it?’ and by the end of our conversation; I end up learning almost nothing”
My response: I can totally relate to that! I have done it; and I have screwed it too; at one point early on!
The truth is; most of us, at one point in life; we have experienced the “What do I ask?” feeling!
See, it’s okay to feel that way! And it’s normal to “not know” what to ask. In fact; if you are that kind of TEP reader who feels like that; then you are better than most people.
And this is why:
First: Most people don’t know that they SHOULD ASK QUESTIONS.
Second: Most people think that asking someone…“How did you make it?” is smart question. And so they never learn anything from the other person!
As for you; you already know that asking someone: “How did you make it?” is not going to help you learn much from the person you want to learn from. In fact; when you ask such a question; you get platitude answers.
You get platitudes like: “Well, I worked hard”… “I followed my passion” or …“I net-worked.”
Then you leave the meeting thinking that you “now know what to do”; only to be left alone and realize that you did not learn anything.
Yes, it turns out that; “working hard”…“Following your passion” or “networking” are platitudes answers which means nothing; and have no ACTIONABLE STEPS.
Do you see WHY learning how to ask intelligent; and right question in the right way; matters?
See, you want to get a well-thought out answers; every time you are out to learn from someone whom you admire. And platitudes are not one of those answers.
The GOOD NEWS:
So, here is the Good News: If you have often felt that you don’t know what to ask; every time you have an informational interview with someone you can insanely learn from. Or if you end up asking about the weather in their place; today I am going to show you how to ask intelligent questions.
Yes, we are putting the “I don’t know how to ask smart questions” feeling; to bed--forever.
I will show you: “How SMART and INTELLIGENT questions sounds like; and how to ask them.”
Ever heard the saying that: “When the student is ready; the master will show up?” well, that is going to happen to you, today--because you are ready!
But first; let’s get this out of the way: “Am I saying I am the MASTER?” By all means, NO! We are all students of life; and for life.
What I am saying is; today I will show you how to overcome that barrier; so you learn how to ask the right questions. Yes, questions you can use to get company's "insider information" in your Dream-Job Search phase.
See, I want you to be able to extract “WORKABLE” and “Highly INSIGHTFUL” information from the people you meet—not platitude answers--which will provide you with implementable steps; so you know exactly what to do; after your conversations.
I will show you that; not in a future material; not tomorrow; or even today, NO! I will show you that right now; right here!
Let’s dive into it.
How To Ask INTELLIGENT Questions In Your Dream-Job Search Phase
Guys, remember how I told you that: "Top Performers Ask Question"?
Well, today I am taking it a little bit deeper—together with you. And the dimension of the “Asking” is also changing to a more specific angle.
Yes, we are steering from “Asking For something” to “Asking For Insight/Advice”; so you can make informed decisions; or choices. The “Top-of-the-class” do it; all the time.
I can tell you to go and ASK; but if I don’t show you the “How to Ask”; then I am not helping you much.
The truth is; anyone can tell you to “Ask Questions”; but no one; or very few advisers show us how to ask intelligent questions; that gives us the insight we want; to take the next step.
I am the guy who shows you what others won’t—mostly because they do not know. This is what makes TEP different from any other blog. As TEP; we take over from where others have left; so we give you—our VALUED READERS-- a competitive edge over the rest.
And today; we are peeling the onion a few layers deep; toward the pith!
So, what I did not tell you about “Asking”; is that top performers don’t just ask! They “Ask Questions Right”; and they “Ask The Right Question.”
And there is a great difference between those people who just; “ASK QUESTIONS” and the ones who Ask Questions Right; plus Ask Right Questions.
I want you to be the latter guy; so you can beat the average players in the job market. My aim is to help you take your career game from C-level to A-level.
HIGHLY INTELLIGENT Questions: Word-for-word Scripts
I am about to walk you through “word-for-word; fully fleshed-out intelligent question scripts.” Questions that you can use; when finding your Dream-Job; in your Dream-Job Search Phase.
And I’m not just going to show you the literal script-question. NO. I leave that to those bloggers who ‘copy-paste’ other people’s work into their blogs as their own—not knowing the “behind the scene game”!
So, I’m going to dive a little deeper into the second layer; and tear the question apart; to unearth why the questions are intelligent; and why they will indisputably get you results. (Note: This is what ‘Copy-pasters’ can’t do—because they don’t know how!)
After that; I will move still further to the third layer. And at this level we will uncover what’s really happening in the way the questions are 'framed'.
We will dig deeper into the psychological game being played in the framing of these questions; which makes them to be both powerful and intelligent; to elicit REAL advice. Plus, why they are engaging to the other person.
No one teaches you what you are about to learn. Watch-out; because I will cover all these “three-layer level” raze; in one take!
Kick-back; Learn and Enjoy…
- Example Question Script #1
Do you see the game I am playing in this question?
First; I am complimenting Mr. Jones. I am telling him that he is a “genius”. That makes him feel better about himself (that is giving him VALUE on the spot); and he would love it!
By doing that, I make him more excited/engaged about our conversation; and he would want us to keep talking.
Compare that with those people who ask you questions; and you wonder whether you are in the police precinct; being interrogated for a crime you committed a decade ago!
Notice I am also setting him up with that compliment; so I can get deep into his mind with a question. And he would be glad to give me a ‘piece of his brain’.
I subtly bring my own situation on board; by mentioning “X” --which is what I would do if I were in Mr. Jones' situation. The trick here is to see; and learn the factors Mr. Jones considered; that led him to choose “Y” and not “X”.
The truth is; you don’t answer such a question with platitudes. I am ethically forcing Mr. Jones to give me well thought-out answers. Yes, REAL ADVICE, with details why he would do “Y” and not “X”.
See how intelligent that is?
He will give me a REAL and EXPERT perception about the two situation; and I will not only walk away knowing what to do; but also WHY!
- Example Question Script #2
…I mean; it’s awesome to work in industry A; just interested in: What was your mindset then; when you were making such unconventional decisions to switch? And why did you make the switch?”
Pay attention here. I am comparing these two industries that I am probably considering for a dream-job.
I want to know why industry B is better than A. I want to know what it is like to work at A; and why Mr. Jones could not keep with it; yet many people seem comfortable working at industry A.
Notice I am not asking this directly or judgmentally. I am being genuinely curious—which makes people want to tell you “things”. And with this question; I can probe Jones; for pros and cons of working in industry A versus in industry B.
I am also giving VALUE to Mr. Jones; when I tell him that he made “Unconventional choices”; compared to majority of people. Subtly I am telling him that I admire him; and he is intelligent—without being creepy.
That is sweet to the ear; and he will tell me everything about both industries. Plus, I can leverage on that to probe deeper; and get to know--from his own point of view--why people seem to SETTLE at industry A.
Notice I am also getting into his “MINDSET” and “behind the scene thinking” which resulted into his shift from A to B industry.
With this kind of intelligent question; I will not only know everything about: Why people settle in A. What are the pros and cons of working in either A or B; but I will also get to learn the “MINDSET” and real factors smart people look at when deciding it’s time to switch jobs.
I can then use that advice to make decision; and make the switch when that time comes. Or I can stop applying in industry A and go for B direct; depending on the advice I get.
- Example Question Script #3
Which one do you consider the best; yet daring decision you’ve ever made in your career course?
…And how was it instrumental to the results that you currently have; plus why do you think it worked the way it did?”
Do you notice what’s happening in that “Three-In-One” question?
See, I want to know the one decision/move or choice Mr. Jones considers the best decision he ever made; that shaped his whole career to get where he is. I’m also asking how dramatic it was; and how it contributed to him being where he is.
Notice here, that he may never have had to make such a decision in his career course. And that enables me to know whether his career success is based on “MAJOR DECISION” or “SMALL” but CONTINUOUS SMART DECISIONS.
And with that knowledge; I can see how it applies in my own career in my dream-job search phase.
Pay attention that; if that decision really happened; I want to know why it worked the way it worked.
In other words: I know smart people don’t make decisions based on whims; or take uncalculated risks; so I want to know what was going on in his head; when he was doing it.
And did you notice the opening part where I called him a “hero”? If not; this is where I told him that he seemed to have been making “brave moves”.
Smart people know when you admire them; and you do not have to say it bluntly; or else; they will hold back due to the fact that you are putting them on the pedestal. True performers don’t like to be looked as an idol.
How would you respond to someone who comes over and tells you “…You are my hero. You have all it takes. Tell me about how you do it?”
The truth is; you won’t tell them anything; because they will come across as patronizing--even if they were genuine. Or, he would come across as putting you on the pinnacle. And either way; it will not work well in getting your true advice.
That is why I am being subtle in that last question; yet letting Mr. Jones know that he is my hero!
That Is How You Learn 80% MORE Than Your Peers in 15 Minutes!
Guys, even if we parted with Mr. Jones at that point; I already will have learnt more that 80% of my peers in my field. I can go and make the right career decisions.
I can make a job switch based on “real expert advice”; unlike most people who just switch jobs—or take the plunge--only to find themselves in a more worse situation than they were before.
In addition to all that; notice how all those questions portray the fact that you are intelligent—because the questions themselves are intelligent—making your time with Mr. Jones worth his time.
Those are WIN WIN questions!
You have given VALUE to Mr. Jones; yet at the same time; learning things that no one would have ever taught you.
The truth is; with those kind of intelligent questions; if you ever called Mr. Jones again for assistance; he would be glad to assist.
That’s how you make connections. And to build even a lasting connection with him; you just need to keep him “In The loop” and let him know—after some time—how you have used his insights to shape your career.
By just letting him know how his career insights helped you—over time—in shaping your career; he would love to help you more; with anything else you may ever need.
That’s how you ask smart and intelligent questions. That’s how top performers research their dream company; and that is how smart people ‘do stuff’.
And remember you can use this "Script Questions" in other areas of your professional and social interactions to raise your social value. You'll always know whether you are dealing with smart people; by the way they ask questions.
Notice how our meeting with Mr. Jones takes around fifteen minutes or less; but the benefits will be for a life-time!The advice you get in those 15 min; is MORE VALUABLE; and TREMENDOUSLY HELPFUL; than most things you learnt in college--which took more than a year; and tuition fee!
In just 15 min; you are 80% smarter than your college peers!
Tell Me What You Learnt.
Leave a comment; or email me at: princemulwa@yahoo.com ; and tell me just one specific lesson/technique or strategy you’ve learnt in today’s DJ Exclusive material.
Specifically; tell me how you are going to apply it in your Dream-job Search Phase; in a way that gives you a competitive edge; over someone who did not take the time to read and learn what we’ve covered today.
And then, how you’re going to use all we’ve learnt today to raise your social value.
I read all the comments and emails!
Share this DJ material and all my materials to anyone you know it can help.
Catch up with me at Prince Eric on Google+. Hook up with me on twitter @PrincemulwaEric and connect with me at Prince on facebook.
Until next on Monday…
…Start asking intelligent questions. Banish the… “I don’t know how to ask smart questions”…feeling forever—because, now you know!
Great weekend and remember to click the link below to enjoy the fun clip of:
"Obama vs. 4th Grade kid clip" on: "Why Do People Hate You?
Adieus!
Prince.
0 comments:
Post a Comment