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| How To Get Anyone Listen To You And Take Desired Action! |
Hey Elite performers!
On Monday this week, I made a promise; that I meant to keep!
Here is a conversational Word-for-Word Script on:
- How to get people to listen to you; even if you are talking about sensitive topic that makes them uncomfortable like: MONET MATTERS, CAREER ADVICE or even BAD RELATIONSHIP they stuck in.
- How to make them TAKE ACTION in YOUR FAVOR and to THEIR HIGHEST ADVANTAGE—notice this is not being manipulative; but you are both emerging WINNERS.
- How to get them to LOVE YOU for your ADVICE or REQUEST—instead of leaving the conversation feeling guilty; or hating the whole discussion altogether.
A couple of weeks ago on a Friday evening; I called a friend of mine whom we hadn’t talked for quite some time. To my surprise; she happened to be in town; and so we scheduled a “catch-up” meeting on a Sunday afternoon.
It was great getting to know how life is even after college. We talked about life; passion; future (where do you see yourself in 3,5,10 years down the line?); career; college days; success mental barriers; among other things--including cooking!
(Hint: My great friend told fascinating story about how she won’t cook for herself; but she gets passionate to cook and serve others)
You know those times you meet close friends or even people you are not close to; and you could notice and tell that they are not doing great in certain areas of their lives? And you can’t help but offer to help/advice them? This was one of those.
The problem was; it was a sensitive area! Career!
No one wants to be told that they are not doing great in their career—even if they are not.
No, one wants to be told that they have failed; even if they have.
There are very sensitive topics you never offer to help or discuss with people unless they request for help or raise the topic themselves—even if you know they need help; or it’s critical to discuss the topic!
And that is not just in social situations with friends.
Real Cases In Point:
Example in Career: How do you get to your boss’s office to talk about your salary raise?
Example in relationship: How do you raise sensitive relationship issues with your boyfriend or girlfriend—or even your partner?
Example in Business: How do you tackle the issue of price; with a potential client who may need your product of service?
Example with relatives: How do you tell a relative about the unreasonable spending that has got them into a debt?
I am focused on your career in this material; but the techniques I show you here are UNIVERSAL and you can literally lift them as they are; and apply them to business; relationship; or when dealing with relatives.
The Buy-In Principle Of The Art Of Persuasion
So, let me show how you can engage someone on a very sensitive career topic; without causing him/her to shut you up. Or even worse without making him/her feel guilty during and/or after the end of our conversation--and hate you for it!
And yes, getting him/her to TAKE ACTION!
I can make long stories on what and how you need to do it; or I can show you how I did it!
I will let you in on a segment of our conversation; then we will analyze it.
And then:
- You will learn why I use certain phrases in this conversation.
- We will uncover the deep psychological techniques you can use to get people to participate in a sensitive conversation.
- I will show you WHY I am using those techniques; where and how you can use those same techniques to get anyone buy into you; and advance your career
Notice: The name I use in this conversation script is not my friend’s real name.
Read And Learn:
“Rachel [pause, I look into her eyes; switch my gaze to the restaurant window for a second; then back to her]. You know, I know I have no business telling you how to live your life; we all are empowered with the ability to direct our lives. But I also know that, as a friend and colleague, I have a responsibility to share with you; what I think would be to your highest advantage in life.
Your story about how you would not cook for yourself; but gets motivated when you are cooking to serve others; I found it so fascinating and hilarious. [she looks at me engagingly]
…..I think your cooking analogy totally applicable in your career too!
Most of us think that our career is about ourselves; but when you look closely; you’ll notice it is not. Think of how your career really matters; when it comes to supporting the people you care about: your relatives; your future kids; your friends. Think about by focusing on your career; the impact that would have; about the people you care about! [she looks at her drink contemplatively]
Look; it’s like NOT COOKING for yourself because you do not care much; but then you realize someone else is hungry and waiting patiently. You get up and do something about it. [she looks at other dinners across out table; then at me and affirms that statement]
And your career is not about you. It’s more than that! It’s being able to lay stable ground for your future family. It’s being able to insure that 5,7,10 years from now; you can afford a certain lifestyle for people you care about.
It’s being able to ensure those people do not starve; of lack something; they would love to have because you did not “cook” in time. This is the right time to “cook for them.” [And right there she agrees it’s time to cook]
You don’t want them to go hungry then, do you? And you don’t want your future kids to wonder why they could not live a certain lifestyle; or have certain things in their lives!
The last question you would want to answer is when they (the kids) would look into your eyes; and ask you: Why can’t we have [insert anything valuable for kids] like Tiny and Tony, mum?
See, how that would be hard to answer? And by then, chances are; you shall not be in a position to redeem the situation!
The truth is; that wouldn’t feel good! [you could see it in her eyes painting a mental picture of this kid asking what went wrong]
Do you see how your career is so critical right now? [By this time you could tell she’s all ready to take action]
Can you see the big picture? Do you now realize why you should take action starting from now? [she was nodding affirmatively to those question]
Now, here is what you need to do to make that happen…[she leans in a bit and pays more attention]…
Deconstructing The Conversation
Let’s analyze what’s happening in this conversation; and what you can take and use to get people on your side—even on sensitive issues. That could be in a social of professional set up:
- MAKING SMART MOVE AT THE PEAK OF MOTIVATION
…“Rachel [pause, I look into her eyes; switch my gaze to the restaurant window for a second; then back to her]. You know, I know I have no business telling you how to live your life; we all are empowered with the ability to direct our lives.
...But I also know that as a friend and colleague, I have a responsibility to share with you; what I think would be to your highest advantage in life..."
I timed at the peak of her cooking story; and made a transition from her cooking hobbies to a more serious and sensitive matter. Career!
I did not wait for the great conversation to die down; then try to start from ‘scratch’ a topic we all feel uncomfortable about!
Most people approach their boss’s for a salary raise at the wrong time. WRONG TIME equals WRONG RESPONSE. To get the right response; you have to time; and make a move at the PEAK of MOTIVATION of the other person.
The motivation could as a result of good news that happened to the other party. For instance: at a time when the company revenue goes up.
The motivation could occur to an unfortunate thing that occurred. For instance: a company would be more motivated to hire when a certain employee has just left. That’s the time to make a move.
- GETTING ATTENTION & AND CONVERSATIONAL TRANSITION
I called her name; then paused for some a few secs. People are always in love with their names; if they hear their names shouted; they pay attention. They listen. But I paused for some time.
Can you guess why? What was I doing?
I did this to build curiosity and create a little tension; which causes people to pay more attention. I wanted to make a switch from a hobby-like topic we were sharing before; to a serious and sensitive topic; and I wanted full attention.
When you are not able to get full attention from anyone; your request; or advice gets treated like a by the way. Have you ever had people tell you something darn good; but you miss it; because it was buried in the before and after stories?
People never take you serious unless you create that context; or get them to know that you have transitioned to something a little serious.
- HANDLING OBJECTIONS BEFORE HAND
Notice this conversation-opener phrase:
“…You know, I know I have no business telling you how to live your life; we all are empowered with the ability to direct our lives...”
The way to get people on your side of story; whether that is in salary negotiation; getting a potential client to buy; picking someone else’s brain on something; or getting your hiring interviewer off-guard as a competent interviewee during your dream-job interview; is to handle possible objection beforehand.
This technique works everywhere. You not only stop the objection; but you show the other party you deeply understand them. It’s like getting into the other person’s head; and telling them what they are thinking before they say it!
When I use the above first phrase statements I am showing my friend that I know; and respect the fact that she owns her life. She is now more willing to listen because we all share this certain understanding.
“…But I also know that, as a friend and colleague, I have a responsibility to share with you; what I think would be to your highest advantage in life.”
Notice how in the above [But…”] phrase; I make a friendly transition in her favor. This makes it easier for me to move on; and gets her to realize I am about to talk about a serious topic regarding her life.
But it also makes it clear that I am doing this as a friend; and it’s because I think it’s beneficial to her. I have changed the whole game of conversation to be about her; and her benefits—not me. I am making her the most important person in this conversation.
Every time you genuinely make people the most important person in any conversation; and talk about how they can benefit; then you will have their attention. Talk about yourself (the I-I SYNDROME) and they will shut you up.
And that is why people bomb when they get into their boss’s office to negotiate their salary. They make the whole conversation all about themselves; until their boss asks them to get out! Until these people learn the game; they will never know why other get raises while they don’t.
Notice the two techniques there: I handled an objection before hand; and I made my friend the center of attention/Interest.
- USING THEIR STORY TO DRIVE YOUR AGENDA
“…Your story about how you would not cook for yourself; but gets motivated when you are cooking to serve others; I found it so fascinating and hilarious. [she looks at me engagingly]
…I think you cooking analogy totally applicable in your career too!
Most of us think that our career is about ourselves; but when you look closely; you’ll not it is not.”
Notice in the above segment; in a very genuine way (not manipulative); how I use her story; to drive my agenda. It’s all for mutual benefits here. The fact that I use her story; shows that I listened to her carefully; and I enjoyed all what she had to tell me.
Most people fail to get the attention of others; because they listen to them judgmentally and discriminately. At the end or during the conversation; you could tell they were not listening.
The point? When you listen; LISTEN.
When the other person realize that you were not paying attention; you should not feel bad when they shut you up.
You and I have no rights to be listened to; if we cannot listen to others. And the good thing is; when you carefully listen to people; you can then know what to say next. You get to know what to build on; to keep the conversation going; and you have MORE CONTROL because you can ask questions that totally shifts the conversation into your desired direction.
Notice, contrary to what the majority think; it’s the person listening; who is in CONTROL of the conversation; not the one who’s talking.
Two key lessons to take home:
First: Use what others have said to move a conversation to your desired direction; and they will follow you and listen to you.
Second: Show people you were genuinely listening to them; and they would listen to you.
Salary negotiation example:
“Mr. Boss, I totally agree with you on that. It’s true that times are a bit tough for our company; but when I do X and Y in improving the bottom line; would you agree we discuss about my compensation after six months?”
No sane boss will ever say NO; to that smart request!
- TAPPING INTO EMOTION & AND ANCHORING CALL TO ACTION ON VALUE
Notice these questions and phrases:
“…Think of how your career really matters; when it comes to “supporting the people you care about:” your relatives; your future kids; your friends. Think about how; by focusing on your career; “the positive impact it would have on the people you care about!” [she looks at her drink contemplatively]
Look; it’s like NOT COOKING for yourself because you do not care much; but “then you realize someone else is hungry and waiting patiently.” You get up and do something about it. [she looks at other dinners across out table; then at me and affirms that statement]...
And your career is not about you. It’s more than that! It’s being able to lay ground for your future family”. It’s being able to insure that 5,7,10 years from now; you can “afford a certain lifestyle for people you care about...
It’s being able to ensure those people do not starve; of lack something; they would love to have because you did not “cook” in time. This is the right time to “cook for them. [And right there she agrees it’s time to cook]...
You don’t want them to go hungry then, do you?” And you don’t want your future kids to wonder why they could not live a certain lifestyle; or have certain things in their lives!
The last question you would want to answer is when they; (the kids) would look into your eyes; and ask you: Why can’t we have [insert anything valuable for kids] like Tiny and Tony”, mum?
See, how that would be hard to answer? And by then, chances are; you shall not be in a position to redeem the situation! The truth is; that wouldn’t feel good! [you could see it in her eyes painting a mental picture of this kid asking what went wrong]
Do you see how your career is so critical right now?” [By this time you could tell she’s all ready to take action]
Can you see the big picture? Do you now realize why you should take action starting from now? [she was nodding affirmatively to those question]...”
The lessons here:
Almost all the times; it’s our emotions that drive us into action. More often than not; human beings don’t take action “purely on intellectual understanding”; though it may seem so from the surface.
You buy with emotion; then you logically rationalize the purchase later. And those are good news because once you realize what drives people to do what they do; you can get them to take action.
The action could be to give you advice; buy something from you; hook you up to someone else who could be of great help in your career. The action could be get a promotion; get someone to endorse you for a dream-job; or get the recruiter to hire you.
When you look closely to the above segment of our conversation; I am asking questions which tap into the emotions of my good friend.
I could cut & paste my career advice dry into her head; but she won’t hear any of it. She would roll her eyes and walk away before I even click “paste”!
You know why? It’s because she would not see the value of what I would be telling her. She would not be able to connect the dots.
It would come across as a boring lecture about how she is not doing great in her career. At best scenario case; she would feel guilty and hate me for it.
The other tech I am using in this segment of a conversation sits at the basement of any success:
“It’s being able to ANCHOR your CALL TO ACTION on something the other person CARES about.”
If the other person does not see the VALUE of HIRING YOU; assisting you; listening to you; promoting you; or even buying from you; she or he won’t; no matter how beneficial it might be.
It’s your responsibility to show them; why what you are saying matters; and it should always about them!
Notice how I did not talk more about how taking control of her career would help her in person; because that would not communicate the real VALUE she care about.
When you ANCHOR your call for action on what your boss; potential client; hiring manager care about; they would take action in your favor.
And you know what they care about by listening to them carefully; and learning more about them during or beforehand.
- GIVE DEFINITIVE ACTION-STEP TO TAKE
“…Now, here is “what you need to do to make that happen”…[she leans in a bit and pays more attention]…
Most people are not clear in what they want others to help them with; or how they would like others to treat them; or what they would like the other person to do in their favor; to the other person’s advantage. They do all the above then they fail in this one.
They assume the other person; like a psychic will know what they want. They get shocked when another person who is smart comes later; and get the favors they wanted from the person they had talked to. They then sit there; feeling bad about the other person who came later and got what they were all along yearning for!
You see this when a team-player just works harder and harder and harder. He assumes that the boss will see their hard work and REWARD them with salary increase. The truth is he won’t. You see it in relationships when one person expects the other to know what they want. When the other person never gets to know the disadvantaged person feel neglected.
You tell the client what to do. You tell that expert friend what you want to learn from him. You tell that recruiter why he should hire you; and not everyone in the line.
If you never say you want that promotion; working hard day in day out will never translate to a promotion.
In the last statement of our “profrelationship”; I tell my good friend the action to take to actualize what we had just discussed. And she was glad for our “catch up time”!
These techniques look simple when explained; until it’s time to apply them; and you are the one to do it!
If they were simple; you would not be stuck where you are!
Let's Be Honest With Each Other
You already know someone who can help; don’t you? So why haven’t you done something about it? Why haven’t you; asked for help?
You’ve read blogs and blogs about career and already know that you aren’t taking control of your career! Why haven’t you?
The reason is because; it’s one thing to be TOLD what you need to do; but it’s yet TOTALLY a DIFFERENT thing to be SHOWN how to do it.
And here at TEP; I show you “word-for-word conversational script”; then together; we tear apart the script; and unearth the subtle tech that you can literally lift; and directly apply them in your career; social and business life.
I SHOW you WHAT and HOW to do it; instead of just what to do!
Your ability to practice and systematically apply what you’ve just learnt today; can dramatically change your career in a matter of months. You can start right now; and start to see great results immediately.
Remember, you do not have to have all the answers; some else has; why not harness that expertise in exchange for something of value to them; and fix that career snag for good?
DIY never got anyone anywhere; neither will “Working hard” get you EXCEPTIONAL RESULTS. If those two ways to do things where effective; you would have the results already. But you don’t!
Doing It SMART (DIS) is the way to go. That is what smart people do; and that could mean getting someone to help you on mutual benefit; or paying them to either do it for you; or show/train you how to do it like an elite performer.
Don’t Leave a CommentGo, right now use what you’ve just learnt in this material; or meet a friend whom you know can help you with something you are stuck in.
It could be in your career; business; relationship or even studies; then use what I have taught you to ethically ask for their expertise; assistance; or a piece of their brain.
When you have done that; come to this elite material; and leave a comment how that helped you move forward faster and easily; instead of spinning your wheels in place and trying to “work hard”!
See you next week right here!
Prince
PS: If you haven’t joined the Exclusive Elite Inner-circle; go right ahead and do that by subscribing; so you never get to miss on any of my elite material!
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