I want you to pause for a moment. And then, let's pretend you are about to enter into the interview room.
Okay, now you've just entered, and right in front of you is the interviewer--or a panel.
What's the first thing you do? What is it that you do--immediately--to make a first impression?
FIRM HANDSHAKE, right?
Why?
Why is it that that's the first thing that you do--or inclined to do? Well, maybe because it's the first thing you are supposed to do!
Or...because that is what "they" have always told us.
Yes, everyone seems to know this lullaby of: "Firm Handshake makes good first impression"--even if they haven't interviewed before.
That is what most 'career gurus' tell us. Which is not a BAD thing from the surface-level. The problem with this sort of advice is that, it's too GENERIC to help you make that IMPLIED first impression.
It's too generic because:
- First , they DON'T TELL you how to make that Firm Handshake. Do you just stretch your hand and shake other people's hands?
- Second, Firm Handshake DOESN'T necessarily and ALWAYS make good first impression--as they imply
- Third, how you make that Firm Handshake can work AGAINST you and convey LACK of PROFESSIONAL COMPETENCY. Contrary to what those "career gurus" tell us.
So, today, I want to talk about FIRM HANDSHAKE. But this is not going to be the kind of drivel career advice that gets pedaled around. No.
I will be going deeper; and will give you specific advice and cover things that almost no one tells you--about handshake and what it communicates interviewer.
We will cover:
- The RIGHT Firm Handshake
- How to do it and WHY
- How it can work against you, if you do it wrongly--and what to avoid so it doesn't.
The Handshake Wart
It’s like when someone tells you: “ To WIN in that job interview, you need to prepare thoroughly”
It's all a pedestrian advice.
Because it does not mean anything! No specific steps to take to achieve what 'they' are telling you.
Do you think that most of us don't know we need to prepare to for job interviews? We do know.
The problem is not, "NOT KNOWING". The problem is "EXACTLY WHAT TO KNOW and HOW TO IMPLEMENT IT"
When someone tells you to give a firm handshake...what does that even mean? They are not being specific of "How to do it" and "Why do it"! It's half-baked advice.
So, today I want to show you the DOWN-SIDE and the UP-SIDE about your handshake. And then 'How you can' and 'Why you should' use it to convey your VALUE in an interview room--and all your social interaction too.
What Not To Do With Your Handshake.
I used to have a friend who I would always try to shunt every time I see him coming my way. That wasn't the case, until something happened!
Here is what happened:
When we met for the first time; I gave him a good and firm professional handshake. We got to know each other; but I did not know whether he’s going to get it all wrong.
Since that day; when I meet him; he would right away extend his hand to greet me—which is okay.
The problem is: he would grab my hand so tight; hang on it; and then pump it several times.
At first I thought… “Okay! Maybe today he’s just being overly excited.”
But I was wrong.That's what it will always be!
Understandably, he is an old man; and I choose to excuse him-- maybe he's trying to keep with the energy of being young.
But truth is: Firm handshake doesn't mean a tug of war!
His handshake might have been to the extreme, but I have met young guys who follow his version of handshake--even in the interview room. And while I may forgive him, the interviewer will not forgive you for committing the old man's blunder
So, here's what you MUST NEVER DO when giving a handshake to the Interviewer:
• DON’T Hang on To Their Hand.
Hanging on to someone’s hands makes them uncomfortable; especially if they are not a close friend. It’s also unprofessional. And your job as an interviewee is to present yourself as a professional.
Think of that person you usually avoid meeting, because, when they greet you, they hang on to your hand. You know how uncomfortable it feels, right?
At best, they come across as NEEDY to you! Not to mention that it's CREEPY.
If you commit the above mistake in your handshake; that is what you communicate to the interviewer. UNPROFESSIONAL, NEEDY, and CREEPY!
• DON’T Over-Pump Their Hand.
Your interviewer is not an old friend you haven’t met for years!
And even if he/she were; you are in the interview-room. It is a professional set up, so don’t shake his/her hands violently and more times than he/she would love to.
If you do that; you come across as--again--UNPROFESSIONAL.
Remember those friends that you avoid them coming to see you in your office? Or place of work?...Because when they come; they make your office a social place?
They don't seem to get it that: that is exactly a work place...and they should carry themselves in a professional manner--even if you know each other.
So, even if the interviewer knows you; their rationale will be:
“If you cannot keep it professional here; then you are not smart enough to differentiate professional environment and social set up.”
And no company or employer would hire such a weirdo.
• DON’T Give Half/Quarter Handshake.
This mistake is typical of ladies--but guys do it too. Don’t greet the interviewer with the tips of your fingers. As if you are picking putrid little cold-fish.
This is WHY.
That sub-communicates WEAKNESS and LACK of both PROFESSIONAL and PERSONAL CONFIDENCE.
It says: "I am NOT REALLY SURE of WHAT I AM DOING or even of MYSELF."
And those are marks off your interview scores--before the interview even starts.
• DON’T Hold Their Hand Like a Vice.
Thanks to BAD career and social advice out there, most of us think that: by holding too tight someone’s hand as you shake them sub-communicates confidence.
Sorry, it doesn't. In fact it communicates the contrary.
It says you are COVERING for WEAKNESS.
Think of the most confident people you've ever met. Picture how president UHURU greeted US president OBAMA when he arrived. Did he hold his hand so tight? No.
He just gave him a RECIPROCATIVE handshake.
Think of the most confident movie characters or national and international diplomats. How do they greet each other when they meet?
They greet each other with EQUAL FIRMNESS.
In other words, they don't make the greeting a big deal. They are sure of themselves, and they don't greet each other as if they want to STAMP their AUTHORITY and WIN the other person's FAVOR.
And by doing that, they come across as more confident and sure of themselves.
Truth that almost no one tells you: Overly firm handshake sub-communicates LACK of PROFESSIONAL and PERSONAL CONFIDENCE.
And if you think that is it all, you are wrong!
It also says: "I am COVERING for my WEAKNESS. I feel so UNSURE about/of MYSELF, that I feel I need to prove myself to you. I feel so INADEQUATE; that I will have to COMPENSATE for it with this handshake!"
Unfortunately socially seasoned people can “read” that from the way to greet them. And your interviewer is one of those people. He can 'read' it.
NEVER...NEVER...EVER greet the interviewer with very tight firm handshake.
Interviewers seek to hire candidates who are SURE of THEMSELVES, not those who are SEEKING SELF-APPROVAL.
• DON’T Shake Their Hand With a Limp Hand
That said; a WEAK HANDSHAKE is a NO NO!
When your arm is limp and weak as you shake the interviewer’s; he wonders whether he is collecting a dead fish or greeting human being.
You came across as WEAK; and very UNPROFESSIONAL.
You also come across as: TIRED; JADED, and someone who's "not up to something WORTHWHILE".
It sub-communicates a high degree of INCOMPETENCY and lack of PERSONAL drive.
No employer want to hire someone who's already tired, and with no SELF-DRIVE!
Do you see all those mistakes most of us make?
Well, let me show you how to give the RIGHT Firm handshake that will communicate COMPETENCY, PROFESSIONAL and PERSONAL CONFIDENCE; and MAKE a last IMPRESSION.
What To Do With Your Handshake:
There is a way you shake someone’s hand in order to sub-communicate Confidence; Power; Social Competency; friendliness; and influence them by making instant connection.
Here is how:
• Greet With Equal Firmness:
When you enter in the interview room; and you are shaking hands with the interviewing panel; just mirror theirs. What I mean is: it should be of equal firmness as the interviewer’s.
That means; don’t grasp interviewers' hand like a vice and don’t over-pump their hands. Just give a reciprocative handshake.
That not only communicates Professional and Personal Confidence, but it also shows that you are Socially competent. It creates a connection between you and the interviewer.
• Hands Should Meet At The Web
When shaking hands with your interviewer; give a complete and full-handshake with your hands meeting at the webs. Don’t greet him/her with the tips of your fingers.
Full handshake sub-communicates professional and personal confidence.
Your professional handshake is critical in making the right impression. I have shown you:
- The RIGHT Firm handshake
- How To Do It and Why
- How it can work against you; when done wrongly--and what to avoid so it doesn't.
See, how that is different from the ambiguous “Give a FIRM HANDSHAKE” advice?
I recommend you start practicing that in all your social interactions, and not just in the interview room--starting this weekend. And then, observe how people will start responding to you!
Have you ever had someone shake you hand committing one of the above mistakes? How did you interpret it? Leave a comment, and let me know.
Plus, in your comment, and share the one thing you've learnt from this material. Share this material on Facebook , and tweet it.
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Great weekend.
Prince
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